Wailing Ambulance : Jul-10

I was at the traffic lights waiting for the green light this morning when I noticed a civil defence ambulance right behind me.. and its lights was flashing. Would they sound the siren? Should I get out of its way? Somehow the sight of this light-flashing vehicle in my rear-view mirror looked painfully familiar..

My last journey with Mummy on the roads was in such a vehicle.. Mummy was already unconscious and into respiratory arrest when they put her into the ambulance. While the paramedics were busy resuscitating her at the back, I was in front watching the driver tearing down the road as vehicles hastily got out of its way. The speed was crazy; my mind was a total blank except for Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.. Surely, Mummy would be okay i thought. Why would she be otherwise? It was juz a few hours ago that I expressed relief that Mummy was finally able to sleep and drink up her beverage too, wasn't it? To be able to sleep and eat were definitely positive signs of recovery worth celebrating, wasn't it?

Shortly after Mummy was wheeled into the A&E ward, a doctor came up to speak to us. She bode unpleasant news.. very unpleasant indeed! First, she asked if we knew that Mummy was a terminal-stage cancer patient. Next, she told us because of that, the hospital would NOT put Mummy into ICU where she would be hooked onto machines and kept alive as long as possible. Then, she said Mummy would probably not survive the next few hours.. she won't make it to morning.

I want Mummy to live! As long as Mummy lives, hooked onto machines or otherwise, there's still hope for miracles to happen, right? Mummy's a fighter and she wouldn't give up, wasn't it? If she won't give up, why should we?? Why would the hospital give up on her?? Hospitals should help her live, not help her die!! What nonsense was the heartless lady doctor uttering that Mummy was already suffering and that we should not prolong or increase her suffering by inserting tubes into her? That we should love her and let her go and not hook her onto machines? Why would we send Mummy to the hospital if they are not going to help her survive? What an inhumane doctor telling us that we are unfilial simply because we want the best possible option for Mummy? She wanted to give Mummy antibiotic for the lung infection despite knowing that antibiotic will not work.. When we enquire about possible blood transfusion to help Mummy regain consciousness, they were adamantly against it saying her blood count was normal and blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah..

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When the traffic light finally turned green and the vehicles in front began moving, the ambulance siren wailed. I immediately signaled left and moved to my left to allow the ambulance to race forward. As it drove past, I can't help but kept chanting in my heart.. please, please.. let the patient live.. as tears started welling in my eyes.

I want my Mummy back..